I Can’t Die Because My Dog Would Get Sad
There are lots of good reasons for not dying, but the only one that truly counts is my dog
My dog’s nickname is Batman.
It’s not because he’s an orphan billionaire playboy with expensive gadgets and a nocturnal crime-busting habit. It’s more because every time I come home, I pull into my driveway to see his black silhouette — complete with tall pointy ears — looking out my bedroom picture window. And in silhouette, my dog looks like a scruffy Batman.
I always figured Batman had a sixth sense about when I was coming home. My comings and goings can be fairly predictable. But even when I’m not on a schedule, I pull into the driveway and there he is.
Waiting.
Watching.
Why I can never die
Dog people, if you know, you know. We can’t die because it would make our dogs sad.
So sad.
I figured Batman’s mysterious Mom-watching habit was powered by some internal radar. Maybe, I thought, he heard my car pull onto our street and assumed his position at the window in anticipation of my arrival.
But my daughter lives with me and she confirmed the awful, heart-wrenching truth:
Batman waits almost the entire time I’m gone. He doesn’t whine or get dramatic, he just sits there on my bed staring longingly out my bedroom window.
He doesn’t lie down. He doesn’t rest. He doesn’t play, eat, or drink.
He just watches and waits.
And what if I didn’t come home? What if a meteor came blazing out of the sky and struck my Toyota while I was cursing my way down I-5?
I’m not sure Batman would be okay. My empathetic little brain pictures him waiting in vain, barely moving to go get something to eat, growing sadder and more desperate with every passing day.
And he wouldn’t get it. I mean, of course he wouldn’t! From his perspective, I simply left home and never came back. I abandoned him.
And so, these are the reasons why I try to eat a healthy diet, get an annual physical, drive defensively, and avoid anything that might pose a significant risk of my untimely demise.
Because Batman is the world’s happiest, silliest, most loving dog, and I will not let him get sad. Not on my watch!
So dog parents, do your pup a solid — be careful out there. You don’t want to die, completely accidentally, and break your pet’s tender heart.