Writing Prompt #2: The Power of "No"

It's hard to say "no" sometimes. But it's also essential to know how.

I have a confession: I’m a recovering people pleaser.

In years past, I would’ve resisted that title. I would’ve told you I wasn’t the sort of person who’d bend over backwards to make others happy. I believed people pleasing meant seeking out ways to ingratiate yourself to others. You know, to make them like you more. I thought it was an active process, not a passive one.

But then I read an article about people pleasing behaviors. And then I read it again. And I sought out videos from psychologists and experts on what people pleasing is and why it’s not actually about pleasing people at all. It’s about protecting yourself from others’ disappointment, criticism, and judgment.

Well… shit.

It turns out that people pleasers like me are the way we are because of trauma, low self-esteem, and an intense fear of rejection. (Check. Check. Check.) As a little girl with undiagnosed ADHD, I learned early to read people and anticipate anything that might make them turn their attention to me and all the things I was sure I sucked at. I was so sensitive to rejection (still am, if we’re being honest here) that I became the person who strived to do everything perfectly, to over-deliver, to over-extend … just to avoid the sting of someone suggesting I wasn’t enough.